


the sun will rise with my name on your lips

by pendules



Category: Raven Cycle - Maggie Stiefvater
Genre: Late Night Drives, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-16
Updated: 2015-08-16
Packaged: 2018-04-14 23:28:31
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,135
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4584258
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pendules/pseuds/pendules
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <i>"I don't really want to go home," he tells him this time. Going back to St. Agnes means not talking about it and listening to Ronan's breathing until he falls asleep, or something else, maybe, something dangerous he's not sure he's ready for but might not be able to resist giving in to much longer.</i>
</p>
            </blockquote>





	the sun will rise with my name on your lips

**Author's Note:**

> I also made [a playlist](http://8tracks.com/amicizia/the-sun-will-rise-with-my-name-on-your-lips) for their late night drives, which you might be interested in.

Ronan picks him up from work the third night in a row.

"I don't really want to go home," he tells him this time. Going back to St. Agnes means not talking about it and listening to Ronan's breathing until he falls asleep, or something else, maybe, something dangerous he's not sure he's ready for but might not be able to resist giving in to much longer. Logically, he knows he could just ask him to go back to Monmouth, but God, he doesn't want that either. He wants to be near him as long as he can have him.

Ronan doesn't question it just like he knew he wouldn't. "Where to then, Parrish?"

"Just take me somewhere."

"Okay," Ronan says, reversing onto the street. It's only a few minutes after eleven, but it's already almost completely deserted. Small towns. Weeknights. He wonders if Ronan still itches for that high he gets at 140 mph, or if this is enough for him now. He glances across at him for a second and he looks like he's perfectly content cruising around all night if Adam wants to. He looks away before Ronan catches his eyes.

Technically, he's allowed to look if he wants to now. They'd kissed about a week ago at the Barns and then didn't talk about it until last weekend when Adam was doing homework at Monmouth and Ronan had come outside and sat next to him and entangled their hands over his Calc notebook and kissed his cheek like they did this all the time.

"Is this a thing now?" he'd asked.

"I don't know. Do you want it to be?"

"I don't know yet."

"Okay," Ronan had said like he meant it.

He'd moved his hand and left Adam to his work, occupying himself with Chainsaw instead.

That was the last time they'd touched.

Now, Ronan looks straight ahead and goes the speed limit and avoids all the potholes.

Adam's not sure who Ronan is anymore. But he's not sure about himself either. He's awake.

Ronan takes him in the opposite direction from downtown. They pass Blue's street and go farther and farther out into the country and Adam should hate it, hate every bit of dirt and dust, but it's hard to care right now. It's hard to care with a boy bright with magic next to him and a whole universe of possibilities flowing through his veins. Adam wonders if they just kept driving to Cabeswater and just stayed there, if he would eventually forget about everything else that came before. If they could make a new world for themselves.

Ronan stops the car after what feels like days, months, years. Time, usually so meticulously budgeted, doesn't exist tonight. 

"You awake?" he asks.

"Yeah."

Ronan gets out, not bothering to close the door, and Adam follows him.

There's no light but the small beams of the headlights in front of them. And then he looks up. This is probably what it looked like before civilization. Before electricity and cars and college and bills. Adam almost feels like he can remember it. Like he was there. In the trees, in the earth, in the stars. He finally looks down, kind of disoriented, and he feels Ronan's hip bump against his. He reaches out, instinctively, and Ronan wraps his hand around his wrist and pulls him towards the front of the car.

They lie on the hood and Adam's eyes are wide open. Ronan doesn't let go of his hand.

What are they but stardust in human form? Maybe they both fell from the same star. Maybe that's what this feeling in his chest when he looks at him is, longing to be reunited.

Ronan's a star all on his own. He has his own fierce light. Adam should cower in the glow of it, but he's not afraid. He won't get consumed. He only reflects Ronan's light back at him.

He's pretty sure Ronan's not looking at the sky at all, eyes tracing over his face.

"What are you thinking about?" Adam asks.

"Stars are bullshit."

"Seriously? What are we doing here then?"

"Because I thought you'd like it."

"Why are they bullshit?" Adam asks, seriously.

"They're too far away," Ronan says, simply, still looking at him.

Looking at the stars is supposed to make you feel small. It doesn't anymore, though. It makes him feel like he exists and he belongs and maybe when they're still burning a billion years from now, they'll remember that he was here, _he was here._

"Where next?" he says, hopping off the hood. He's probably been awake for eighteen hours but his heart is racing and Ronan's smiling amusedly at him and he feels like he could do anything.

"Really?"

"Yes. It's only midnight. I could drive if you want. Just tell me where to go."

"If we're staying out all night, we need food," Ronan tells him.

"Fine."

They drive back into town and find a twenty-four hour diner near the Dollar City.

There's no one in there except for a couple of stoner kids eating giant stacks of pancakes.

Adam actually lets him buy them both coffee and sandwiches.

Ronan looks out of place amongst the primary colours and bright fluorescent lights, his pale skin, his stormy eyes and the hooks of his tattoo rendering him slightly otherworldly. He seems to like the effect he has, though.

His foot brushes Ronan's under the table and they don't say anything.

"So, is this a date or something?" he says, casually, sticking a fry in his mouth.

"You're the one who kidnapped _me_ for the night, Parrish."

" _Kidnapped_?" Adam says, incredulously. "You're perfectly free to leave at any time."

"Do you want me to?" Ronan asks, the question heavy with double meanings.

"No. No, I don't want you to go," he says, the words getting stuck in his throat on their way out.

"Okay, then," Ronan says, like it's all settled. 

Ronan buys him pie after he tells him a dozen times not to, but he eats it anyway. Ronan smiles and for a second, he looks young and _real_ and almost like someone he could go on a date with.

They leave the car and walk down the main street and Ronan spins him around and pulls him towards him, arms around his waist.

" _Ronan_ ," he sighs.

"You _kissed_ me," he reminds him, with an infuriating smirk.

So, Adam does it again.

The first one was a short press of lips on lips in a barn surrounded by sleeping dream-cows. The first was Ronan's wide-eyed look of surprise and a hand on his arm and Adam swallowing and looking away. 

The second is in the glow of a streetlight in the middle of a sleeping town. The second is a gasp when Ronan's tongue slides into his mouth. The second is feeling his touch at every nerve ending. The second is holding him so close he feels like he's going to combust. Nuclear fusion.

Then, he remembers they're still in public. There are only a few people around and no one's paying any attention to them but he blushes anyway and steps away from him and fixes his t-shirt where Ronan's hands had rumpled it.

"Want to go home?" Ronan asks, his voice rough.

He looks at him, says, "Not yet, okay?"

Ronan drives them to Cabeswater.

It's their first time there alone. He remembers Ronan coming up to him on the shore of the lake, looking at him like he wanted to say something, feeling their connection to the forest and each other for the first time. They could be safe here forever, grow old, or not. Adam's not sure how long they can survive in the real world, in the light of day, in his shitty apartment he's desperate to leave and in Ronan's childhood home he'll never leave and in civilization where it's messy and complicated and every bit of his want is carefully rationed.

It's bright and it's summer and it could be like this always. Flowers bloom all around them; Ronan tosses petals at him and they land in his hair. 

"Let's not go back," he tells him. 

"You have school tomorrow."

"That's not what I'm saying."

"What's going on with you?" he asks, finally.

Adam shivers slightly under his gaze. "Every day I wake up is just another day closer to actually doing it."

"What?"

"Leaving. Leaving you and Gansey and Blue and Noah. And Cabeswater. And never looking back."

Ronan's very quiet for a moment.

"You don't have to feel guilty for things that you want."

"Yeah, but it's not the _only_ thing I want." He doesn't look at him as he says it, and he's not guilty about wanting to leave, he's guilty about wanting _Ronan_.

"I'm not going to leave," Ronan says, and it's as sure as everything he ever says.

"And I can't stay."

Cabeswater whispers something to both of them. They'll always be able to find each other here. In Ronan's head and in Adam's veins.

They just look at each other. Adam reaches out and takes his hand for the first time.

"Wanna go home?"

"Let's go back to Monmouth," he says.

Gansey's not asleep, obviously. It kind of puts a damper on the feeling of being the only two people awake on the planet.

"What have you two been up to?" he asks, looking suspicious. Gansey doesn't _know_ , officially, because they haven't actually told him anything. But he knows something's been going on with them that they weren't ready to say out loud yet.

"Fighting little old ladies, destroying public property, kicking puppies," Ronan deadpans.

"Somehow, I feel like you've been doing more shocking things than that."

Adam deliberately does not look at either of them.

Ronan sits down in the middle of Main Street and tilts his chin up at him smugly, like he's remembering what happened there a couple hours ago.

"Do we need to talk about this?" Gansey asks, sounding like it's painful for him to even ask but he feels he's obligated to anyway.

"Parrish is afraid if I take him home, he'll never let me leave."

Adam shoots him the most murderous glare he can muster.

"It's either way too late or way too early for this conversation," Gansey says, looking disturbed by the images conjured by Ronan's words.

Adam goes into Ronan's room and lies on his bed, shuts his eyes. For the first time, he's angry that he's not tired enough to fall asleep.

"I'm not afraid," he says, when he hears Ronan come in.

"What is it, then?" he says, sitting on the edge of the bed and looking down at him.

He opens his eyes and sits up to face him.

"I want to — I want _you_. Like that. And in all the other ways. But I don't know what's going to happen after."

"What happens after _tonight_ , though?"

"I don't know," Adam says softly.

"Well, let's make it last, then," Ronan says, like if this is all they get, it'll be enough for him. A part of Adam wants him to get mad, thinks that maybe it'll make this easier. 

Because right now, his heart feels like it's breaking.

Ronan puts an arm around him and they lie down like that, Adam curled into him, Ronan stroking his hair.

They don't sleep.

Around four in the morning, he whispers into his collarbone, "Take me home."

Ronan parks outside St. Agnes like he's not sure how long they're going to stay there. Like if Adam gets out and goes upstairs alone and Ronan drives back to Monmouth, that means the end of this, of them. 

Neither of them gets out.

They sit in silence for a few minutes.

"Ronan —"

"Is this the 'I really like you, _but_ ' conversation, because I don't know if I can deal with that right now." He sounds slightly desperate for the first time.

Adam doesn't want to hurt him; he wants to give him everything he wants, but all he can give him is the truth.

"I want to leave this place. I've always wanted to leave. This isn't home," he says, gesturing to the old building. The church that's a part of Ronan, the apartment that's become _theirs_ , almost.

"I already know that —" Ronan starts, obviously frustrated.

"No, just, listen. This apartment isn't home. Home is you helping me move in and you sleeping next to me and Gansey calling at 3am and his stupid model of Henrietta and you kissing me on Main Street and showing me that you can see the stars from anywhere."

"Adam…"

"Just don't say anything, okay?"

"Okay," he breathes out.

Adam kisses him once, slowly, and then he gets out of the car, and Ronan follows him inside.


End file.
